My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
