What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
