pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize