On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so let's talk penis.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
