How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
