you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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