It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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