dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
