I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
