apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
