Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
