WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
