I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
