Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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