3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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