Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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