He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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