My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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