I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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