life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
