i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
barbara walters just said penis...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's always time for handjobs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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