sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
