I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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