The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
