my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
