i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize