I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
