What did we do last night that was yellow?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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