I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
