I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
