Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
