ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
