I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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