Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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