OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
