the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
