I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
