I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
