when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
