Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
