I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
