Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
