Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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