i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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