Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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