He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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