I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize