Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
