Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
