CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
