Tell her she can't have a vagina
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I supernannyed him into submission
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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