Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What a dumb baby whore.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
