I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
