After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
