the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
