Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
