He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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