I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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