we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
