I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
