Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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