I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we're making bets on your personal life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
