Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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