I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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