i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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