That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
