I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
