Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
