Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
