I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
