My room smells like vodka and shame
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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