dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
