they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
