i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
