"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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