you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
